The Password Is Taco: Fantasia Football Week 2 Recap

 

Merry Tuesday everyone. Instead of a late-night insomnia-fueled recap, you’re getting a mid-morning almost-done-with-coffee recap. Let’s compare and contrast!

 

We did actually get some football going this week, which was quite fortunate. We actually had one person exceed Yahoo’s original projections, and boy did she ever (it was you Marty). I will be endlessly delighted if Yahoo continues to wildly overestimate everyone’s scores.

 

GRAPE JOB

If not spectacular entries, we at least had a tight contest for this award. Trevor Siemian and Devonta Freeman put up 22 and 23 points trying to get their owners to notice and validate them. Carson Wentz screamed 25 points into darkness for the head Bloviator. Poor Man’s Boreanaz, though, burned a hundred dollar bill to light a cigar made out of other hundred dollar bills, leaving CJ Anderson and his 27 pts on the bench while coasting to victory.

 

 

One Gorillion Dollars

This is much more aligned with reality and far more disappointing this week. Swinging from the lowest performing QB in our little fantasy universe to the highest scoring player in but one earth week Tom Brady gets a bonus this week of One Gorillion Dollars, scoring 30 points for his puppet master Poor Man’s Boreanaz. Two in a row to the guy who makes the awards! Kick ass!



 

Destruction Bear

 

This is where things really start to heat up. Last week, you’ll recall, the 3D Destruction Bear Simulator went to Mariah Carey (now SD Yungbludz), who beat Mondo League Admirer by 24 points (neither team cracked 100 pts). Lil_Pump8 answered the call for moar points, and almost the differential from last week, destructionating the 3D Bear Simulator (SD Yungbludz) by an admirable 42 points. The points to Life, The Universe, and Everything.

 

 

Colin Kaepernick Award For Greatness

 

 

Apparently everyone is super stoked about this guy? They’re like oh wow he did awesome in this game against the guys and he should totally be making that much money? I mean, I guess good on him for milking the NFL for all the money. I don’t know. Anyway, good job Blount In Blount Out. Your giant head of a qb scored 13.18 points.

 

 

 

 

College Football Thing of the Week


College football is inarguably better than pro football, and I’m determined to convince remind you all of this one week at a time. Exhibit B, this really happened. SDSU literally played lights out. The lights went out during the game. For those who claim to not understand the import of this victory, imagine if the Browns got to beat….. I mean anyone at this rate. But like, Green Bay. Or Atlanta. SDSU is a much better team than the Browns, so it’s not so wholly unexpected. But goddamn! Stanford! Look at them suffer! I need this now, and will need it next week as I watch Stanford continue the cycle of abuse against UCLA.

 

 

 

 

Gif of the Week

 

 

This gif of K.Hunt napping as a TD celebration is real good

 

 

But really it’s this, because obviously. I warned you all! Also, I'm totally not going to embed this properly because of the coffee thing from earlier.

 

 

 

 

Next Week’s Viewing Guide: Emoji Edition